


just a bit off

by charjace



Series: Missing Scenes; it's a dark place without you [3]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Mentions of sex only, Other, Sex being used as a Coping Mechanism, but it' not something he's at terms with at this point in the time line, unhealthy use of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29427576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: With his boxers on, Luke walks towards the bathroom – going straight to the shower and turning it on and without waiting for it to heat up, or a towel, or even taking off the only bit of clothing he was wearing, he climbs into the shower. The cold water hitting his skin, if he was sleepy, the coldness would have woken him up. It was a nice shock to his system and a new feeling.The water slowly warmed up, and he just let the water wash over him for a few minutes before grabbing the soap, using it to wash himself. He wanted to scrub at his skin, but he tells himself to take his time and it was then that he realised his issue of having taken a shower in his boxers.
Series: Missing Scenes; it's a dark place without you [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154378
Kudos: 9





	just a bit off

He was still awake, he couldn’t fall asleep – he pushed himself, he pushed his own limits and own boundaries, knowing that doesn’t settle right in his stomach, but he isn’t feel  _ sad _ anymore – which he tells himself is the payoff for this. Not feeling like he could have done  _ more _ to save his friend, is worth pushing the boundaries he didn’t want to push. Just, feeling anything but depressed was much better. Morgan sleeping next to him curled into his side with their arm draped across his bare chest, and at least with  _ them _ , Luke tells himself is that when they started dating – Luke had told Morgan about his hesitance with sex because it’s why he and his  ex broke up because he wouldn’t as his ex would say ‘put it out’. Morgan, had repeatedly asked him if he was sure he wanted to go through with it, at every step and every sign of hesitation Luke showed, Morgan would stop them and ask if he wanted to continue. He told them it was just  _ nervousness _ because it was his first time, before telling them that  _ yes _ he wanted to continue.

Deep in his mind, there was this thought that told him to just tell them the truth – that he  _ did _ want to stop. He knows Morgan wouldn’t judge him, not if their constant asking for his consent was anything to go by. He needed a way out of his mind, and music just wasn’t helping – not when  _ music _ is connected to part of the reason he’s always feeling down.

Running a finger up and down Morgan’s arm, he was trying to centre himself and his thoughts. His skin felt  _ disgusting _ covered in sweat, which he found weird because after band practice or a gig they had managed to get, he would always come away from it sweating like hell, and never felt like this. In fact, he prided himself in it because it meant he put all his heart into the performance, even if it was just a practice. So, why did he feel like his skin was itching and needed to be cleaned.

After a few more minutes in the darkness of Morgan’s room, Luke gently removed Morgan’s arm from his chest before climbing off the bed. The dip woke Morgan up, because they stirred and blinked open their eyes, “Luke?”

“I just need the bathroom,” Luke tells them, pressing a kiss to their cheek when they gave a soft nod of their head. Their blue hair covering their face as they did so, and Luke pushed it back slightly, smiling softly down at their sleep riddled partner. With his boxers on, Luke walks towards the bathroom – going straight to the shower and turning it on and without waiting for it to heat up, or a towel, or even taking off the only bit of clothing he was wearing, he climbs into the shower. The cold water hitting his skin, if he was sleepy, the coldness would have woken him up. It was a nice shock to his system and a new feeling.

The water slowly warmed up, and he just let the water wash over him for a few minutes before grabbing the soap, using it to wash himself. He wanted to  _ scrub _ at his skin, but he tells himself to take his time and it was then that he realised his  _ issue _ of having taken a shower in his boxers.  _ Great _ he thought, and he leans his head against the wall of the shower. Sighing, he also realised he didn’t have a towel to dry off, and he didn’t feel right walking around a home that isn’t his own soaking wet.

A light knock brought him back, and he sees Morgan at the door of the bathroom. He can see light worry on their features, and a towel in their hand, which they place on the sink as they walk over to the shower to turn it off, giving Luke a light smile. They go to grab the towel, and Luke steps out – and is immediately wrapped up in the towel. Noticing they were wearing his shirt, he smiles himself, “You look good in my shirt,” He comments, and relishes in the fondness that took over the worry.

“Come on, let’s get you dried off and maybe talk?” Morgan says, leading them both out of the bathroom. They were lucky that it was just Morgan home this weekend, that their parents went to go visit their son who was a few cities over filming his first film. Luke wouldn’t know what he’d have done had it been Morgan’s brother or their parents who found him in the shower that late at night. 

Back inside Morgan’s room, the bedside lamp was on – and there was a set of pyjama pants laying on the bed. While he was drying himself off, and putting on the pants, Morgan was hanging his boxers up to dry. Once they were both sitting on the bed, Morgan knocked his shoulder with theirs, “Hey... are you okay?” They ask, curiously tilting their head.

“Yeah,” Luke answers, nodding his head lightly, “I’m okay. Just needed a shower is all.”

There was a light frown upon their lips, “Luke... _ please _ answer me honestly. Did we go too far for you? I know I asked... _ a lot _ , but are you sure you are okay with us having had sex?”

“No, we didn’t go too far,” Why was it so easy to  _ lie _ about it, he absolutely did push his boundaries and limits. Maybe it’s because the goal wasn’t the  _ feeling _ that everyone talks about that sex  _ gives _ you, no it was about getting out of his head and that is what happened. “You make me feel  _ safe _ , I trust you Mor.” Or maybe it was so easy to lie, when he follows it up with a truth because he did trust Morgan.

“Okay, but if there is a next time,  _ please _ tell me if you don’t want too, or if you want to stop – we will,” Morgan tells him, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his cheek, “Your boundaries matter to me.”

Luke couldn’t help but smile at their partner, pressing a soft kiss to their lips, “And yours matter to me. If there is a next time, you’d do the same right?”

Morgan nods their head, “Come on, let’s go to sleep. We’re meeting up with Alex for a study group.”

With that, the couple lay themselves down and Luke can fall asleep better now. 

The next time, he acted more confident – which only lessened Morgan’s asking if he was sure, but he could  fake it better, fake that this is what he wanted – even if it itched at his skin afterwards, and made him feel sticky and gross with sweat instead of sticky and proud. That he didn’t want to wash away that feeling every time. The times when he couldn’t fake it, Morgan refused to go further because they could tell he wouldn’t say and he would respect that, and deep inside was grateful because in those times, he felt  _ sick _ in wanting to go further – in the thought of going any further. He supposes it’s a form of  _ self-harm _ he’s practicing when it happens, because he’s not doing it for the joy of the act – but for the act’s ways of distracting his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> this was done in an hour roughly, so sorry for any mistakes, but i just wanted explore more of how he used it as a coping mechinisam and going into a bit into why it wasn't right / wasn't healthy and not just because he's asexual, but using sex intentially to avoid other feelings isn't healthy no matter your sexuality


End file.
